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Desperate to be loved. Desperate to be seen. Desperate for the rush of chemicals you give me when you make me bleed.
Desperate for the ounce of affection you dole out
One tiny pill swallowed by an ocean of denial.
You make me weak, but I let you.
It isn’t really your fault, the patterns carved your path
You walked the paved brick road
Like clockwork it was math.
They left you clues from when I was young, etched indelibly into my skin
My mistake to assume you’d look deeper within
A lifetime of reaching for something to fill
All the aches and the emptiness haunting me still
Afraid to follow the voice that I hear
That says darling it’s fine you must walk through this fear
A longing for loving from anyone here
Who’d bring closure to chaos and still hold me near
A desperation they can all smell that repulses their senses and pushes me farther into a corner where there I shall stay, for I don’t blame you or them I know that I reek of the pain that I feel and the words that I speak
Come loaded and tainted and filthy and bleak
And it’s clearer than day no one cares for a freak

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paint your life

Paint your life. Allow your heart to guide the brush, your soul to survey the palette, your mind to curate your creation.

Allow the wind to blow together, and away, the pieces that shan’t remain, and those with turbulence tamed.

Breathe life into your step, call forth your inner depth.

Stare. Stare into the mirror, look at your eyes. What do you see? Who do you meet? You deserve the attention that only you can provide, the sweetness only you can taste, the love that only you can maintain.

Look in the mirror. It’s you, it’s only you, it’s all of you, it’s fully you. Don’t run. Breathe. You’re not a monster, you’re not weak. You are wonderful. You are light. Paint your life. It’s yours, and only yours. Take care. Take special care. Look for beauty. Follow your inspired action. Slow down. Take it in. Live fast. Be a paradox. You’re delicious.

I love you.

Breathe Deeply,

Sing Sweetly,

Night be mine in Light of Day.

Souls Haunting,

Floating Fondly,

Bridges Torn and Drawn Away.

Let go Now,

Don’t know How,

God’ll turn my Fears to Faith.

Soft n’ Shallow,

Deeply Allow

Heaven’s Gates to be

Embraced.

everyone’s doing the best they can

To realize that everyone is doing the best they can in every moment. No blame. Maybe this isn’t logical or correct, but it gives me some relief from the haunting presence of the judgements and fingers pointed at every person who has ‘done me wrong.’ So, if nothing else, this admission of compassion is a selfish quest to implement forgiveness and love across the board for the benefit of my own god damn heart.

mes rêves

Last night, I dreamt i was an actress. A real actress, in a real tv show, with real lines, and a real trailer. Last night, I dreamt my dreams were real.

I was on set with kind women of beautiful face and strong character. Warm and inviting, including and honest, understanding and soft. We danced together, chatted together, worked together, and formed a bond. I can’t tell you I’ve felt such a sense of community and tribe power in my waking hours.

This dream reminds me of my inner most desires to cultivate relationships intermingled with passion and inspiration; a main driver in creating this site platform. Collaborations are what excite me, and what is acting if not a grand collaboration.

I can hear my spirit knocking, waking me, nudging me to take a leap, a longer leap, a leap beyond the safety of these four walls in this here home. ‘Cassidy, it’s time,’ says my inner voice. And to that I say; ‘I know.. I know.’